


i tried to scream, but my head was underwater

by sammakku



Category: Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Part 2: Battle Tendency - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coping with Death, Dead Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, Gen, JJBA, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 2: Battle Tendency, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 2: Battle Tendency Spoilers, M/M, Mourning, Nightmares, Old Joseph Joestar, POV Joseph Joestar, suzi q and jojo are in a sham marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23186314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammakku/pseuds/sammakku
Summary: Joseph has a nightmare.
Relationships: Joseph Joestar & Suzie Quatro, Joseph Joestar/Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, Kakyoin Noriaki/Kujo Jotaro, Mohammed Abdul | Muhammad Avdol & Joseph Joestar
Comments: 4
Kudos: 180





	i tried to scream, but my head was underwater

_ It was the same dream; same place, same situation. _

_ Joseph would be in the ocean. Deep, deep in the ocean. It would be dark, and empty; emptier than the ocean should be. He wouldn't be drowning, or even worried about drowning.  _

_ He was a teen again, and he still had all his limbs, and his hamon was definitely flowing through him. His stand was gone, and Suzi Q was a fuzzy after thought in the back of his mind.  _

_ He'd wander the ocean floor for what felt like hours.  _

_ There would be a point where his stomach would sink deep into his stomach, and something compelled him to run; something compelled him to scream out his name. _

_ Caesar's name.  _

_ It was then that he became worried about where he was, what he was doing and whether or not he was drowning; the more he called out for him, the more water filled his lungs. It burned like fire as he felt it go down his throat, and the bubbles coming from his mouth didn't make this any easier. _

_ Something told him that if he found him, he'd be fine. _

_ Everything would be fine. _

_ Everything would reset. _

_ They would be back in Italy, drinking wine on the verandah with his mother, Speedwagon and Suzi. They would be concerned only with how empty their glasses seemed and how desperately they wanted to be in one another's arms, knowing all the while that they couldn't be, not in front of everyone else.  _

_ He'd be back in Caesar's room, lips locked with fingers woven together; they'd lay on the bed together and totally forget the world around them, at least for the time being. In the morning, Suzi Q would sneak Joseph back to his own room, and cover for him if anyone asked why they were even up.  _

_ Hell, maybe he could even get sent back to their final moment together. Maybe he could swallow his pride, and stop him.  _

_ He'd finally see Caesar in the distance, running in his direction like he was looking for him too. He'd be just as frantic as Joseph, constantly turning and clawing at his own neck as he looked for his lover. _

_ The mania didn't stop them from hearing one another clearly. All the calling would lead them to finally locking eyes, and bolting towards one another at an abnormal speed. They would get close, and closer, and closer--  _

_ And when they would reach one another-- _

_ Caesar would be bloodied, collapsing in Joseph’s arms. He would be choking on his own blood, sputtering and gasping. Still, he smiled up and Joseph, and cupped his cheek in his hands.  _

**That's when Joseph woke up, in a cold sweat.**

The dream would fade quick, the only image left behind being Caesar's scared smile. His body always felt like it had just trudged through molasses, and his throat was as dry as the desert he was traveling through. 

He reached for his cantine, and downed half of it. He pushed to his feet, too, and began walking aimlessly. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going exactly, he just wanted to get away for now. 

It had been years since he had had that dream; it rattled his brain, trying to think of why it was back to torture his only solitude once again.

Someone let out a giggle nearby, and Joseph paused. His head turned; he sucked in a breath, hand clutching into a fist as hamon sparked off his skin. 

...quickly, he relaxed again, and watched with loving eyes as Kakyoin pulled his grandson along and away from camp, laughing all the while.

"Come on, Jojo," Kakyoin whispered, moving close to his secret lover. He pecked him on the cheek, "While everyone's asleep. Let's go have some fun together!" 

Jotaro tilted his hat down, hiding his blush even though they both thought they were alone, "Give me a fuckin' break, Noriaki," He grumbled, "Hold your horses-"

But Kakyoin was already pulling Jotaro over a nearby hill excitedly. The young couple disappeared into the night.

Normally, Joseph's instinct was to run after them and stop them, scolding them both for sneaking off, especially at a time like this… but he didn't. 

He didn't know if this would be their last rendezvous; he didn't want to interfere with that; he didn't want to interfere with their young love.

He continued on his walk, closing up his cantine and replacing it with a flask of bourbon instead. His mind was briefly occupied with Kakyoin and Jotaro, but it quickly dissolved back into the dream. They were the answer as to why he was having it again:

They reminded Joseph of himself and Caesar.

Young, eager, reckless; not a care in the world, except for when they'd meet the enemy again. Even then, as Joseph just saw, their teenage hormones often came before DIO's next attack. 

Thinking about  _ that  _ further worried Joseph too. He didn't want them to face the same horrible fate. 

Joseph stopped walking when he came across a large rock. He climbed up onto it, and took a seat facing camp; back there, Polnareff and Avdol were pressed side-by-side in their sleeping bags, and Iggy was asleep on Polnareff's face. He could hear Kakyoin's chuckles distantly. 

Beyond that, he saw him. 

Joseph sipped the flask, eyes rolling up to the night sky; Caesar always did love the stars. He'd always point out constellations to Joseph, eyes full of wonder like a small child's. 

_ "Joseph, do you know what that one is?" _

_ "Which one?" _

_ Caesar would take his hand, and trace the stars with his finger _ . 

_ "Cassiopeia… the brightest. She was cursed to live in the sky by Posiden, and her husband is next to her, see?"  _

_ Caesar would glance at Joseph to see if he was listening and saw; but he'd lock eyes with Joseph, and realize he hadn't been looking at the stars at all. _

_ "I think you're the brightest constellation, honestly."  _

_ "Jojo!! You embarrassing dork..." _

Another swig from the flask. He rubbed his face, and wished he could call Suzi Q. Suzi always knew how to make him smile, Suzi understood. 

She was the only one who could convince Joseph to get up in the morning after the fight with Kars; she was his new reason to live, his new motivation. She gifted him Holy, and she gave him more purpose he could ever ask for… yet she still kept her boundaries straight. She still knew Joseph was still hurting, and she knew how to help him fight that.

He just wished she was here to do that now.

Another swig; the drink burned his throat, he didn't know why he still drank this dumb shit; this probably wouldn't even help him all that much…

It wouldn't make him stop missing him, it would only numb him for long enough to go back to camp, to face the others. It would stop his tears for long enough.

It happened more than thirty years ago now, he didn't understand why it still haunted him. He needed it to stop, he didn't need to be wrapped up in something from thirty years ago. He shouldn't be drinking alone over this.

Joseph stood up, and gathered his bearings as he began to walk back to camp. He glanced to the side, spotting Kakyoin and Jotaro laying in the sand together and gazing at the night sky too. Jotaro turned his head as Kakyoin remarked something about the sky; he took Jotaro's hand in his own, and Caesar began to trace-- 

…

... _ Kakyoin _ began to trace the constellations in the sky. 

Joseph looked away again. He hurried to his sleeping bag. He'd hide away there. 

"Mr. Joestar?" 

Joseph paused, and looked up to see Avdol sitting up in his bag. His eyebrows were furrowed together. Joseph softly cursed under his breath; he nearly got away.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Avdol, go back to sleep."

"But you aren't. Are you crying?" 

Joseph flinched. He always hated being asked things like that.

"You're crying. What's wrong?" 

"Oh…" Joseph swallowed, "Just a… thing. From a long time ago. I've been thinking too much." 

"Thinking too much? Come on, Mr. Joestar. I've spent all this time with you, you can share things with me, I think." 

Joseph crossed his arms on his knees; fuck it, he had nothing to lose, "...you remember… that man I told you about? The Zeppeli kid."

Avdol gave a knowing, slow nod, "Have… You been missing him."

Joseph didn't answer.

"You don't have to pretend, you know," Avdol whispered, "I've spent a long time without my parents now. I know how you feel-"

"You don't, Avdol," Joseph snapped, "You don't at all. The last thing we did together? We fought. I let him walk into his death knowing full well he probably wouldn't make it out of there alive. All I found, after it all, was a bubble of hamon for me, and  _ this _ ." 

Joseph pulled out a piece of worn cloth from his pocket; it was faded and old, but there was still a distinct pattern on it that proved it was Caesar's. 

Avdol stayed quiet, watching Joseph weep with sad, sad eyes.

"He died hating me," Joseph mumbled, "So maybe that's why it hurts so bad." 

Avdol shifted then, and came to sit beside Joseph. He put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, "Mr. Joestar…"

Joseph swallowed, eyes glued to the bandana in his hands.

"If he died hating you, he wouldn't've died for you," Avdol whispered, "He left behind the last of him for you. He wanted you to find that…"

Joseph gave a very small nod. His heart beat hard, and his throat felt like it was closing. He didn't respond.

Avdol leaned closer, and hugged Joseph gently; that broke him, and he began to cry all over again. 

Still, this time it felt good. It felt good to have someone caring for you like this, to have someone try to understand and help you feel better. 

Joseph returned the hug. Even if he didn't have Caesar now, even if he did miss him desperately, at least he knew he must be looking down on him still; otherwise, he wouldn't've been blessed enough to meet such wonderful people like Avdol. Hell, he wouldn’t be sitting here with any of them. 

He closed his eyes. Something told him he’d see Caesar again, sometime soon, eventually. 


End file.
